I did it. Finally.

I felt like a jerk but I just had to get it out. I felt like your backup friend for the past three years and you know what I don't want that. If you're not going to treat me like a real friend then why should I? I know you feel sad but you did this to me before. I kept everything inside for the past 3 years. I never told you how I felt about our friendship except that one time in Freshman year about liking you and I hate myself for doing it. It was the biggest mistake of my life to even like you. You used to say we're so similar but we're not. Not a tiny bit. Not at all.

When I asked you if I would ever not be your backup friend in the future, you said you can't promise me that. Well then fuck you. I don't want a friend like you who's going to not appreciate me like my other friends do. You never did anything for me but I was always there for you when you needed me. You never told me anything about you and him and even told him to not tell me. I hate you for that. You said that I'm different and I come from a different background so you couldn't tell me things. Well friendships are supposed to be when you're able to talk to each other especially when it's that important. If that was the case, then why did you even think about calling me your "closest" friend. Fucking messed up because you know nothing about me and I know nothing about you. You said you're trying to get closer to me and that it's going to take a long time. Well fyi you're leaving after this quarter and who knows if we'll even see each other. How do you even expect to get close to me in the future?? I don't even know where I'll be in a year and you have no idea either.

I got my space and I didn't want to give you hope so I didn't say anything about contacting you first. I got everything out and I've never felt this relieved before. Good bye.